Big News Report for Sunday, November 4, 2007

Monday, November 5, 2007 in Announcements, Big News Writers, Editorial, Highlights, Humor, News, News & Commentary, News In Brief, Quick Takes, The Biz
Tags: Amne$ia, Barack Obama, Billy Joel, Clinton, Dennis Kucinich, Dennis Miller, Dick Cheney, Dodgers, Dolly Parton, floods, intern, Joe Torre, Larry King, Mitt Romney, Porter Wagoner, Stephen Colbert, strike, Tabasco, Teamsters, Tyra Banks, Washoe, WGA, wildfires

The Teamsters branch in Hollywood has told members that they are allowed to honor picket lines by striking TV and film writers. It’s not yet clear how a decision by the Teamsters not to work will differ from any other day.

Vice President Cheney stirred up controversy this week after visiting a hunting club that had a Confederate flag on its wall. Cheney denied being a racist, noting that some of his favorite ninth cousins are black.

In an interview with Fox News, Mitt Romney referred to Hillary Clinton as having the experience of an intern. Bill Clinton defended his wife, noting that no matter how hard he tried she still refused to have the experience of an intern.

Hundreds of thousands of people are trapped by floods in Mexico’s southern state of Tabasco. In response, the state’s Governor has raised the disaster level from mild to muy caliente.

A ten-year-old boy has admitted he accidentally started one of the largest of last week’s Southern California wildfires while playing with matches. Police have released their original suspect who claimed he didn’t start the fire: Billy Joel.

On Thursday, the South Carolina State Election Commission rejected Stephen Colbert’s bid to be on their presidential ballot, because he is not a serious candidate. For the same reason, the ballot will not include Dennis Kucinich.

Tyra Banks will devote an entire episode of her show to discussing the vagina. The episode will air tomorrow afternoon, and then re-air repeatedly in the bathroom of every junior high school boy in America.

NBC has chosen Dennis Miller as the host of its new game show, “Amne$ia.” The network chose Miller because they felt the best host for a show called ‘Amne$ia’ is a man who’s forgotten how to be funny.

Porter Wagoner, the country music legend who launched the career of Dolly Parton, died last Sunday at age eighty. In tribute, Parton will fly her breasts at half mast.

Former Yankees manager Joe Torre has been hired as the new manager of the Dodgers. As part of the deal, Torre promised to uphold a cherished Dodger tradition and beat traffic by leaving each game in the sixth inning.

In Germany, police were called when passengers on a train thought a man in a Halloween costume was really dead. The man was dressed as Larry King.

And finally, Washoe, a female chimpanzee believed to be the first non-human to learn sign language, died last Tuesday at the age of forty-two. Although the chimp knew how to sign two hundred fifty words, missing from that list were the words “need” and “doctor.”