Big News Remembers Charlton Heston!

Monday, April 7, 2008 in Announcements, Big News Writers, Highlights, Humor, News, News & Commentary, News In Brief, Quick Takes, The Biz, Writers
Tags: Ben-Hur, Beverly Hills, Cats and Dogs, Charlton Heston, Fergie, Friends, Joey Tribbiani, Matt LeBlanc, Mexico, Michael Moore, Orson Welles, Planet of the Apes, Soylent Green, Statue of Liberty, The Ten Commandments, Touch of Evil, Wayne's World

As soon as we at Big News heard about the death of the legendary star of “Wayne’s World 2,” “Cats and Dogs,” and that episode of Friends where Joey stunk after fishing - and, oh yeah, “The Ten Commandments,” “Ben-Hur” and “Planet of the Apes” – our writers got hard at work honoring Charlton Heston the way we know best: making jokes about his death! So enjoy this tribute from us at Big News!

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. The funeral will be highlighted by a ceremony in which Michael Moore finally pries that gun out of Heston’s cold, dead hands.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. Heston died from shock after seeing the Statue of Liberty and realizing he’s actually been on Earth this whole time.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. Heston also starred in “Touch of Evil”, making him the last United States citizen who took a job away from a Mexican.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. No word yet as to who took his gun.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. After the funeral ceremony, guests will enjoy a buffet of fresh Soylent Green.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. Sadly, Mr. Heston died before realizing his lifelong dream of shooting someone.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. Sadly, Mr. Heston did not die the way he wanted: by firing squad.

Charlton Heston, the Oscar-winning star of “The Ten Commandments” and “Planet of the Apes,” died Saturday at his Beverly Hills home at age 84. Unfortunately, Fergie is still alive.