Hello, I’m Mark Penn. This week I stepped down from my position as Hillary Clinton’s campaign manager because apparently my involvement with the Colombia free trade agreement conflicts with the current Democratic Party-line position. And since I feel this is just pandering to Special Interests ahead of the Pennsylvania primaries, I’ve logged on here to share with you a few facts about the Colombia Trade Deal that Special Interests want to hide from you, the American People.
With the Colombia deal, you get 13, not 12 but *13* LPs, CDs, cassettes or 8-track tapes for only 1 penny. Yes all this great music for only one (1) copper penny. Journey, Kansas, Steely Dan, Andre Previn – you name it.
Just one (1) cent! Doesn’t sound so bad, does it? But wait, that’s not all. Every month we’ll send you a new title absolutely free, and you can quit any time. How do we do it? By circumventing useless labor laws that keep you away for affording the latest tunes by Pablo Cruise, Simon and Garfunkle, Boz Scaggs, Steely Dan and Huey Lewis and the News.
Yes, that’s correct, this deal used to go for $5.95. Can you believe it? That was the *old* Colombia (or Columbia if you want to be a tiresome pedant). Now all you need is a previously-thought-of-as-useless penny, taped to a brochure in a non-postage paid envelope to get the latest sounds by Loggins and Messina, Crystal Gayle, Dolly Parton, Cat Stevens, Bruce Springsteen, Styx and Bob Dylan. All of these titles are available in the convenient 8-track format, perfect for cruising around in Smithtown in your sporty little Ford coupe, maybe a Firebird or a Pinto.
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