A fifteen-minute sex film of Marilyn Monroe performing oral sex on an unidentified man sold this past week to an anonymous businessman for $1.5 million dollars. While the man’s face is not shown on the tape, FBI director J. Edgar Hoover reportedly instructed his agents to determine whether the man in the film with Monroe was either John F. Kennedy or Robert Kennedy. Despite intensive investigations, however, FBI agents were unable to prove whether Monroe’s sex partner was either Kennedy brother.
The general public will be unable to make their own judgments about the sex tape, however, as the purchaser is declining a release to the public out of respect for Monroe. Among the few who have seen the tape is Keya Morgan, the memorabilia collector who brokered the sale. But in a Big News exclusive, we’ve managed to get Mr. Morgan to go on the record to confirm the identity of Monroe’s sex partner. Read excerpts from the blockbuster interview below!
BIG NEWS
Mr. Morgan, the man on the tape with Monroe is rumored to be John F. Kennedy. Can you confirm whether this was the case?
KEYA MORGAN
We have established conclusively that it was President Kennedy. While we cannot see the face of the recipient of the oral gratification, a frame-by-frame examination of the film clearly shows his head going back, and to the left…back, and to the left…back, and to the left. Plus, in the background, Robert Kennedy is waiting for sloppy seconds.
BIG NEWS
Wait, so Robert Kennedy is also in the film?
KEYA MORGAN
Robert Kennedy is in the film, but he does not engage in sexual activity. We have established without a doubt that there was only a single shooter.
BIG NEWS
So it was just oral sex? Kennedy didn’t get into Marilyn’s grassy knoll?
KEYA MORGAN
No, nothing on the grassy knoll. We believe that President Kennedy planned on having intercourse with Monroe, but unfortunately his candle burnt out long before her legend ever did. And by “legend” I mean “vagina.”
BIG NEWS
So this film must be of special interest to historians.
KEYA MORGAN
Yes, and it adds yet another entry to the list of eerie parallels between Presidents Lincoln and Kennedy. President Lincoln was shot by an actor in the head, whereas President Kennedy shot an actress in the face.
BIG NEWS
So is the anonymous purchaser going to make this film public?
KEYA MORGAN
No, he plans on keeping the film private out of respect for Monroe’s memory. And by “out of respect for Monroe’s memory,” he means “because he’ll be too busy masturbating.”
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Tuesday, September 2, 2008 at 9:44 pm
OMG, are you guys sleeping or what?
This Keya Morgan guy was caught right away in telling a big lie. Just FYI:
http://defamer.com/380219/exclusive-debunking-the-marilyn-monroe-sex-tape-hoax
http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2008/0418081monroe1.html