This past week 45 year old actor Wesley Snipes was convicted to spend 36 months in prison for federal tax evasion.
Since 1999, Snipes has earned a staggering 38 million dollars and has paid somewhere between zero to no dollars in taxes. Tonight the Associated Press has learned of a shocking twist–that just 12 hours after hearing his fate in the courtroom, Snipes’ legal team announced that the actor will be filing for a one year prison sentence extension.
According to Snipes’ lawyer, the actor will be filing for a prison term extension to ensure he serves his sentence completely and accurately. Immediately after Thursday’s court appearance, Snipes began completing paperwork necessary for the sentence extension.
Three misdemeanor charges against Snipes brought the maximum possible sentence to 3 years in jail. The final punishment could have been more lenient, but the judge gave Snipes the maximum penalty to send a message to any future perpetrators. The judge also gave Snipes the full sentence because he is black.
“There are only two things that are certain in this world–death and taxes,” quoted U.S District Judge William Terrell Hodges. “In his lifetime, Wesley Snipes has already administered plenty of death; especially to vampires. However, Mr. Snipes now realizes that he must also pay taxes.”
According to Florida law, living as an immortal day-walker does not constitute criminal charges of cheating death. An IRS spokesperson also added that “whether or not someone cheats death is not our concern. But if you rake in a million dollars for cross-dressing with Patrick Swayze, we’d better know about it.”
Close friends of Snipes were shocked upon hearing about the criminal charges and sentencing. An anonymous mother of Snipes commented, “How’s he supposed to file taxes when he ain’t worked in 3 years?”
Even if Snipes did file recent taxes, there would certainly be speculation over how 38 million dollars were made from 3 vampire movies with weak plot devices and bad lighting.
The typical length of a prison term extension is zero years considering nobody has ever filed one before.
This unprecedented case also marks the first time in Florida history in which a black man will serve time for a white collar crime. [Editor’s note: Michael Vick was sentenced for a primarily Mexican-themed crime.] Thirty six months, however, may not be enough time for Snipes to complete his sentence. Snipes added, “You know there’s lots of stuff to do in prison. There’s boxing tournaments, lifting weights, boxing, kickboxing, escaping, fighting, boxing, and laundry. By getting a prison extension, I can be sure to serve my full sentence and not be penalized. Plus I think it’s a tax write-off but I’m not sure how that stuff works.”
The judge also ruled that he does not have to go to prison immediately but must surrender to custody at a later date. Before turning himself in to jail, Snipes plans on visiting the Grove City, PA outlet mall, at which patrons enjoy year-round bargains without paying any sales tax.
Phone calls to Snipes’ personal accountant were not returned due to his death 18 years ago.
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