We all crumble. Sometimes it’s crackers to go into soup to make it a meal. Sometimes it’s a fence that crumbles as we tear down the false borders that we create as society. Sometimes it’s peanut butter cookies that crumble and happen to land in another kid’s lunch box. No matter what, we as a nation love our crumbs. We here at Big News want to cater to your love of crumbs with the beautiful little joke pieces left over from all of our submissions for the week, in a little segment we call BONUS JOKES!!! To see the rest of the delicious cookie, stop by iO West Sunday night at 10.
The government is scrapping their plans to create a $20 million dollar prototype of a “virtual fence” on the Arizona-Mexico border. Instead, the government plans to use the money more effectively by flushing it directly down the toilet.
An eighth-grade student in Kentucky was charged with wanton endangerment after allegedly putting crumbled peanut butter cookies in the lunchbox of a student with a severe allergy to peanuts. Apparently this is not the first time the alleged bully put his nuts in another kid’s face.
The United States leads the world in prisoners with almost a quarter of the total world inmate population. In response, the world plans to build a fence around the U.S.
A Syrian nuclear reactor destroyed by Israeli jets last year is now believed to have been built in collaboration with North Korea. Syria says that for its next nuclear installment, it plans to collaborate with Timbaland.
Former deputy prime minister of Britain, John Prescott, known for years for his “tough guy” image, recently disclosed his decades long struggle with bulimia. Reached for comment, Prescott, 69, said that it’s been, quote, “like sooooo hard. OMG you guys, totally don’t do it. LOL.”
Former deputy prime minister of Britain, John Prescott, known for years for his “tough guy” image, recently disclosed his decades long struggle with bulimia. Apparently, his condition went misdiagnosed for years as a “typical reaction to British cuisine.”
President Bush said tax rebates will start going out Monday, to help Americans cope with rising gasoline prices. Bush approved the early release of refund checks when he found there was no legal way to mail the rebates directly to oil companies.
Democrats in congress say they may add extended unemployment benefits to President Bush’s war funding bill. The president said he would veto the benefits, until he realized he’d soon be out of a job.
John McCain and Mike Huckabee campaigned together for the first time Friday, fueling speculation that Huckabee is on McCain’s list of potential running mates. Huckabee could add strong support by religious and social conservatives to McCain’s established base of Matlock viewers.
As part of the continued profitability problems in the airline industry, United Airlines lost five hundred and forty-two million dollars over the first quarter of 2008. The five hundred and forty-two million was supposed to go to Chicago, but never arrived.
Triarc, the franchisor of the Arby’s restaurant chain, will buy Wendy’s restaurants in a stock swap valued at about $2.3 billion. Wendy’s initially rejected the offer, but happily settled once Arby’s threw in 780 cubic tons of horsey sauce.
Triarc, the franchisor of the Arby’s restaurant chain, will buy Wendy’s restaurants in a stock swap valued at about 2.3 billion Jr. Bacon Cheesburgers.
On Friday, the annual Best Friends Animal Society’s Spring Super Adoption Festival had more than 1,000 homeless dogs, cats, puppies, kittens, rabbits and birds, in all sizes, breeds and personalities, available for adoption. In a related story, China Town Express has released a new expanded menu.
A Georgia company has been accused of selling faulty stun grenades to the FBI. When used in the field, the grenades only mildly surprised their targets.
A Georgia company has been accused of selling faulty stun grenades to the FBI. The company was asked for comment, but is too surprised by the accusations to say anything.
A Roman Catholic priest who floated off under hundreds of helium party balloons went missing last week off the southern coast of Brazil. Police have begun looking for the priest by positioning search parties outside of local car dealerships.
State and Federal Wildlife researchers have concluded a study that suggests if temperatures remain unusually high, moose could disappear from northwestern Minnesota over the next 50 years. Minnesota has responded with a plan to replace the moose with herds of the state’s fat people.
Authorities in Detroit made a grisly discovery last week when they found that an elderly woman had been living with the mummified corpse of her sister for over a year. Her neighbors weren’t surprised as they had all heard her talking about her mummy, but they just thought she was British.
According to a new survey, the Midwest has the highest rate of drunk driving in the countr. Luckily, the effects of alcohol are offset by all the crystal meth.
On Thursday, the city of Las Vegas inaugurated a new urban area to improve the historic downtown center of the city. The bulk of the historic improvements will come from the history of other cities.
On Thursday, the city of Las Vegas inaugurated a new urban area to improve the historic downtown center of the city. The bulk of the historic improvements will come from installing new slots in all of the hookers.
A new study shows that men who masturbated more than five times each week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer. However, they were twice as likely to develop blindness and hairy palms.
A new study shows that men who masturbated more than five times each week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer. As a form of preventative medicine, doctors are now prescribing medicinal porn.
A new study shows that men who masturbated more than five times each week were one-third less likely to develop prostate cancer. A second new study shows one-third more men are now dying of carpal tunnel syndrome.
U.S. officials have found a contaminant linked to eighty-one deaths in a blood-thinning drug made from pig intestines imported from China. In response, officials are warning all consumers to stay away from undercooked drugs.
A new study by the Migration Policy Institute found that California’s immigrant population lacks the English language skills and education to replace baby boomers in rapidly growing positions such as computer software engineers and customer service representatives. Fortunately for California, those limitations won’t impact the growing reality TV industry.
On Tuesday, Michael Moore announced that he is endorsing Barack Obama. In addition, Moore is also endorsing the Carl’s Jr. Six Dollar Burger.
Orlando Brown of “That’s So Raven,” was found on Wednesday, twenty-four hours after his manager reported him missing. Authorities found Brown by using the standard method of tracking missing stars: watching VH1’s “Where Are They Now.”
CNN reporter Richard Quest was ordered to undergo six months of counselling after being arrested for possession of drugs last week. Police became suspicious of the CNN reporter after he began actually reporting news.
According to media reports, NBC has decided to make Jimmy Fallon host of “Late Night” once Conan O’Brien leaves the show in 2009. Executives at CBS, ABC, and FOX applauded the decision, tried to keep a straight face, and then broke into laughter.
Last year’s “American Idol” winner Jordin Sparks was forced to cancel three shows last weekend after being struck with a career-threatening throat injury. Sparks becomes the first “Idol” winner whose career is threatened by something other than winning “American Idol”.
Paul McCartney is celebrating his deep love with his late wife Linda by staging a gallery showing of her photography. Experts, however, are questioning the authenticity of the exhibition, as all the items are pictures of Heather Mills with “Bitch!” spray painted across her face.
Shirley Temple Black, the former child star of the 30s who celebrated her 80th birthday last week, broke her arm in a fall outside of her San Francisco home. Temple reportedly fell after being startled with the news that she’s still alive.
Anthony E. Zuiker, the creator and executive producer of the “CSI” franchise, is planning to write his memoirs for release in 2009. To make the memoirs more accessible to the CSI audience, Zuiker plans to write at a 4th-grade reading level.
A European publishing house is compiling a book of the 50,000 most-searched terms on the Germany’s Wikipedia. The book will consist entirely of the entries related to David Hasselhoff.
A European publishing house is compiling a book of the 50,000 most-searched terms on the Germany’s Wikipedia. The book will come with a complementary eraser so readers can continue to alter its contents.
Teen star Miley Cyrus received a seven figure book deal with the Disney Book Group. A Disney spokesperson says it will be a tell-all book that will reveal such frank incidents as the time Miley snuck a sip of her dad’s beer, her struggle with lip gloss addiction, and Miley’s feelings on her upcoming menstruation.
Actress Megan Fox was voted FHM’s sexiest woman in the world. The unsexiest accolades went to Megan Homely.
Matthew Fox told “Access Hollywood” that preparing for the role of “Racer X” in the movie based on the “Speed Racer” cartoon took him to a dark place and kept him up at night. Fox’s next movie promises an even tougher and more painful process, when he plays the title character in “Snagglepuss.”
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