Recap Monday!

Monday, June 9, 2008 in Big News Episodes, Big News Writers, Editorial, Highlights
Tags: Add new tag, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Back to the Future, Barack Obama, Budweiser, Chris Matthews, Dianne Feinstein, Dick Cheney, Ed McMahon, Erik Charles Nielsen, Grease, Hardball, Hillary Clinton, Hummer, Jamie Lynn Spears, John McCain, K-Fed, Kevin Federline, Michelle Obama, Mr. T, Rachael Ray, same sex marriage, Universal Studios, Universal Studios Fire, West Virginia

Episode #279: “Hillary Under Water”

The good thing about the new 9pm start time: A larger audience (theoretically) since more people can justify coming out earlier. The bad thing: Unless you have self-control, which we obviously don’t, there’s more time to spend after the show drinking, which will lead to trouble sooner rather than later. With that observation out of the way, let’s get to the recappin’:

The show started with a sketch on the super-secret Hillary-Obama meeting of last week, where they decided who was going to perform the abortions, kill Jesus and place the gays inside the bedrooms of every American family, or whatever it is the Democrats plan on doing when the take back the White House. It was a doozy of a sketch, especially considering the fact that it was written by about 6 million writers (WATER? by Keith Bush, Julia Gaudette, Michael Hughes, Nikitas Manikatos, Matt Manser, Kito Buni Robinson, Catalina Rodas, Laurenne Sala, and Phillip Wilburn).

From there, the show moved onto a sketch (WEST VIRGINIA: IT’S MORE THAN JUST INBREEDING by Tom Repetto) about Dick Cheney’s ill-conceived, yet well-constructed, joke about West Virginia being full of inbreeders. As the sketch made clear however, just as there’s more than corn in Indiana, there’s more than inbreeding in West Virginia. Namely illiteracy, unemployment and coal. Lots of coal. And cousins having butt-sex, which doesn’t technically fall under “inbreeding” since, as our grandpa always said, “babies don’t come through the back-door”. Thanks, gramps!

Next up was a pretty great sketch (CONGRATULATIONS! by Michael Hughes) about office workers congratulating their black co-worker for Obama’s victory. We’d go into more detail here, but we’re always self-conscious about mentioning race in our recaps, seeing as we don’t want it to get out that we’re horribly, horribly racist.

We just need three words to describe the next one: “Vice President Budweiser”. It’s not because the quality of the sketch (MCCAIN’S HISTORIC RUNNING MATE by Adam Fisher & Danny Ricker) was worth only three words, but because we can’t bring ourselves to even think about alcohol this morning.

The Stupidest Story of the Week — conservative bloggers getting their very unerotic panties and jock straps in a bundle over Rachael Ray wearing a scarf — was nice fodder for the next sketch (THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS by Steven Waldinger), in which Ray’s set was searched by two bumbling anti-terrorism agents. The sketch also including a damning indictment of the government by forcing the two agents to share a single gun. Tough stuff.

The next sketch (UNIVERSAL STUDIOS TOUR by Erich Eilenberger) dealt with the Worst Story of the Week (and possibly of the Year) in which the awesome movie sets on the Universal backlot were burned down to the ground, taking with it countless childhood dreams and the ability of humanity to ever use its imagination to create anything ever again. So long, Back to the Future clock tower.

While it’s not entirely nice to be making fun of Ed McMahon during his current broken-neck, no-money state, the following sketch (YOU ARE FORECLOSED, SIR! by Matt Mondlock) did anyway because we’re still upset at him for always getting our hopes up about that million dollars we MAY have already won.

It’s getting late pretty early around here, so let’s deal with these final three lightning round-style!

- Pookie and K-Fed returned for some adventures in Vegas, this time with special guest appearances by the extremely pregnant Jamie Lynn Spears and her possibly retarded husband in FATHER OF THE YEAR by Scott Garner.

- Using the reversal of the same-sex marriage ban in California, a man tried to pull a fast one by marrying his one true love, his right hand, in MISS MICHIGAN by Howie Scheer.

- High production quality met high intensity met high gas prices in the sure-to-be-YouTubed HUMMER LOVIN’ by Kristina Adelmeyer.

Super-special guest Erik Charles Nielsen took the stage next, battering the audience with his unique brand of screaming, screaming louder, and screaming even louder, which is to say, the set was completely fantastic.

As usual, the show closed up with a medley of two-line jokes, this week’s being particularly strong. Among the highlights were fake vomiting, Jesus hopping on one foot, flip-flopping on flip-flops, a mention of genital herpes (which is always welcome), and an address by Governor Arnold Schwarzeneger and special guest Mr. T. solving the drought by creating water with the brute strength of their bare hands. Pure science!

See you next week!