Heather Locklear has sought treatment in an Arizona medical facility for depression and anxiety. Locklear became depressed and anxious when she remembered she had dated David Spade.
Representatives for The Beatles are reportedly in negotiations to bring songs from the band’s catalog to the videogames Guitar Hero and Rock Band. Unfortunately, as part of the deal, once users have nearly mastered the songs, their games will be broken during a personal visit by Yoko Ono.
Activision has begun talks to develop an all-Beatles edition of Guitar Hero. The video game is expected to be even bigger than Jesus Hero.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s charity foundation has donated one million dollars to children affected by the war in Iraq. The charity got the money by taking it from a foundation started by Jennifer Aniston.
Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt’s charity foundation has donated one million dollars to children affected by the war in Iraq. An additional one million dollars was donated to children affected by Madonna’s attempts to adopt them.
Amy Winehouse is suffering from lung disease caused by years of smoking crack cocaine and cigarettes. Thousands of her fans are also suffering from eye diseases from looking at Amy Winehouse.
Larry King’s wife, Shawn Southwick King, has gone into rehab for addiction to painkillers. She started taking the painkillers when she married Larry King.
Larry King’s wife, Shawn Southwick King, has gone into rehab for addiction to painkillers. Following suit, Larry King went into rehab for an addiction to wives.
At his wedding ceremony Saturday, Ruben Studdard had 20 groomsmen. For dinner.
Hall of Fame quarterback Terry Bradshaw admitted this week that he did steroids in the 70’s, but only to “speed up the healing process”. Other processes that were affected by Bradshaw’s use of the illegal steroids included the running process, the throwing process, and the winning process.
Hall of Fame quarterback and Fox broadcaster Terry Bradshaw admitted this week that he did steroids in the 70’s, but only to “speed up the healing process”. It seems to have done wonders for the balding process as well.
In a Class-A minor league baseball game, a Staten Island Yankees switch pitcher went up against a Brooklyn Cyclones switch hitter. For a complete account of what happens when a switch hitter meets a switch pitcher, check out either this week’s Sports Illustrated or last month’s Penthouse Forum.
In Cambodia, a 13-year old was hospitalized after his genitals were attacked by a puffer fish. Which then, technically, became a blow fish.
In Cambodia, a 13-year old was hospitalized after his genitals were attacked by a puffer fish. Officials are investigating a possible link to similar attacks on 13 year olds in neighboring Thailand by ping-pong balls.
According to a new study, dogs may be able to sniff out early stages of ovarian cancer in human females. Researchers reached this conclusion after discovering that ovarian cancer smells exactly like other dogs’ asses.
A Florida woman claims she saw the image of Jesus in a 3D sonogram of her unborn fetus, and took it as a sign she would have a healthy baby. Subsequently the woman gave birth to an 8lb baby and a very wet and pissed off 140lb Messiah.
A Florida woman claims she saw the image of Jesus in a 3D sonogram of her unborn fetus. The woman planned on aborting her fetus, but feared she would be pregnant again three days later.
A Florida woman claims she saw the image of Jesus in a 3D sonogram of her unborn fetus. The baby shower is Sunday and she is registered at Frankincense, Myrrh, and Beyond.
A Florida woman claims she saw the image of Jesus in a 3D sonogram of her unborn fetus, and took it as a sign she would have a healthy baby. She also took it as an opportunity to claim immaculate conception was responsible for the baby not looking anything like her husband.
According to a new report, more than forty percent of America’s underage teens say they get alcohol from adults for free. The other sixty percent of underage teens have to pay.
Scientists in Latvia have unearthed a 365-million-year-old skull which they believe should help them better understand the evolution of fish to advanced animals that walk on land. Christian fundamentalists responded to the news by putting fingers in their ears and saying “la-la-la”.
Scientists in Latvia have unearthed a 365-million-year-old skull which they believe should help them better understand the evolution of fish to advanced animals that walk on land. The scientists will next try to understand the evolution of Tom Cruise from a nice guy to an obnoxious prick.
Scientists in Latvia have unearthed a 365-million-year-old skull which they believe belongs to one of the oldest species to ever walk the planet. Scientists have named the species the McCainasaurus.
Authorities are hoping to shoo away several dolphins who have showed up recently in the rivers of New Jersey. They plan to convince the dolphins to leave by informing them that they are in New Jersey.
Danish artist Olafur Eliasson designed a multimillion-dollar display of four mammoth waterfalls under bridges on Manhattan’s East Side. Where Eliasson is going to get enough mammoths to create these waterfalls remains a mystery.
New York-based architect David Fisher has unveiled plans to build a revolutionary 80-story building in Dubai which will feature floors that rotate independently of each other. The steakhouse on the top floor will be stationary.
New York-based architect David Fisher has unveiled plans to build a revolutionary 80-story building in Dubai which will feature floors that rotate independently of each other. Or at least it will feel that way when you’re piss drunk.
Thieves stole over 28 tons of chicken from the Food Back of Delaware. Police are said to be searching the other side of the road.
Thieves stole over 28 tons of chicken from the Food Bank of Delaware that police recovered on Wednesday. The thieves were charged with fowl play.
A 48-year-old woman in Chula Vista was charged with ten felony counts after she was found running an abortion clinic without a license. The clinic will be reconfigured to its original purpose as a staircase.
A 48-year-old woman in Chula Vista was charged with ten felony counts after she was found running an abortion clinic without a license. In related news, the Chinese restaurant next door has raised their prices.
A Florida teenager is in stable condition after losing his arm last week to an 11-and-a-half foot long alligator. On the bright side, the teen is pumped about starting a Def Leppard cover band.
A group of four exotic dancers has sued nineteen Los Angeles nightclubs over unpaid wages and tips. They were offered a settlement, but none of them know what nineteen divided by four is.
And finally, Dody Goodman, the comic actress best known for playing the principal’s assistant in “Grease,” died June 22 in New Jersey at age 93. With Goodman’s passing, the oldest surviving member of the “Grease” cast is now John Travolta’s claim of heterosexuality.
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