A report issued Friday by the Alaska Legislature found that Sarah Palin abused her power as governor by trying to have her former brother-in-law fired as a state trooper. The report also found that male Republicans abuse their power while fantasizing about Sarah Palin.
The global financial crisis has led Iceland to the brink of bankruptcy. When the economy of Iceland does die, Bjork plans to wear it to an awards ceremony.
The economic crisis has caused a major increase in the number of homeless people in Massachusetts. The transition should be easy, however, as most people in Massachusetts are already alcoholics.
On the campaign trail Tuesday, Cindy McCain visited a children’s hospital in Tennessee. Mrs. McCain took photos with the children, and then stole their medication.
Political experts believe the presidential race in Florida could be decided by the youth vote. Which in Florida is defined as any voter under the age of eighty.
Barack Obama has purchased a block of time the Wednesday before the presidential election on CBS, NBC, and Fox for a half-hour telecast. Not to be outdone, John McCain has purchased a block of time the same day on Western Union for a half-hour telegram.
American Airlines has announced plans to begin a la carte pricing, offering a base fare but charging extra for most perks. For example, a flight from LA to New York will now cost just $150, and for an extra $800, they’ll land the plane.
Nick Nolte managed to safely escape on Tuesday when his Malibu home caught fire. On the bright side, the fire finally rid the house of that Nolte smell.
David Duchovny has left rehab after being treated for his addiction to sex and returned to his wife, Tea Leoni. Meanwhile, Amy Winehouse has left rehab after being treated for her addiction to drugs and returned to her husband, crack cocaine.
Eddie Van Halen has gotten engaged to longtime girlfriend Janie Liszewski. An excited David Lee Roth has already picked out his silver assless tuxedo.
Former “American Idol” winner Taylor Hicks’ new album will be released on February 10. It will then be returned on February 11.
The world record for movie viewing was broken by a couple who watched fifty-seven films in one hundred twenty-three hours. A second record was broken when someone actually watched every minute of “The Love Guru.”
A new study of burn injuries demonstrates that microwave ovens pose a serious safety hazard to young children. Especially when a parent puts a child inside one.
The head of Chicago’s school system has proposed the creation of an exclusive school for gay students. He cited better grades and higher test scores as proof of the effectiveness of homo-schooling.
A German man is recovering after receiving the world’s first double arm transplant. The operation cost the man an arm and an arm.
A new study shows that circumcision drastically cuts the likelihood of male to female HIV transmission by up to 60%. Circumcision also cuts by 100% your odds of earning the nickname “Anteater.”
A bus full of Amish passengers got into an accident on Thursday, injuring 14 people. Amish authorities attribute the accident to defying God’s will by riding on a bus.
New research says that babies are able to distinguish between happy songs and sad songs. In addition, babies can also distinguish between good songs and Nickelback songs.
In Montana, a man has built a replica of the famed Flintstones rockmobile and put it on display in his front yard. The man is yabba-dabba-never-getting-laid.
And finally, Jorg Haider, the far-right Austrian politician who became notorious for statements praising the policies of the Nazis, died Friday at age fifty-eight following a car accident. He is survived by his daughter, Greta Haider, and his son, Jew Haider.
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Friday, November 21, 2008 at 3:56 pm
Great baby picture. I love the glasses. Probably babies are much more discerning and intelligent than many think, especially when it comes to emotional content like whether a song is happy or sad. But, come on … Nickelback isn’t all bad.